


Struggles and Sins

by kamomiru



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Guilt, Guilt Trip, Heavy Angst, Introspection, Italics, M/M, Mutilation, No Smut, No Spoilers, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Shota, in-universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-04 01:15:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5314490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kamomiru/pseuds/kamomiru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roy Mustang has struggled for all his life and he is not good at it; but he will fight with all his strength for what he thought the first time he saw him, shattered and empty eyed on a wheelchair: I want him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Struggles and Sins

Life has never been easy for Roy Mustang. Make it alchemy, the war, this country: He basically passed his whole life struggling, but he is never been good at it. Edward Elric, on the other hand, is the best. Fullmetal was just a kid when he met him; Hell, he is still a kid. His father, his mother, his brother, his arm and leg, the army, alchemy, the war, this country. Roy tries his best not to think about Edward Elric.

  


"Colonel! We are here!". _As loud as ever, that kid._ Roy doesn't really want to see him. "Fullmetal! When did you arrive? Did you get shorter?". From there the interaction goes smoothly as expected; Roy really doesn't want to look at him. _He is way too muscular to be 16 years old, way too young to own that watch. He has sinned way too much to smile like that._ Roy feels like puking. He is being jealous of a kid's strength: horrible isn't even enough to describe him.

"Here is your report, Colonel". Roy blinks, nods. "You actually brought it immediately after getting in town? Should I be worried?". He even tries to smirk. Edward looks at him for a split second, brows frowned. "Ah-ah. Very funny". Fullmetal turns around and Mustang almost relises the breath he didn't know he was holding; but then Edward Elric turns again, waving, and looks directly in his eyes. 

Colonel Roy Mustang feels like puking. He _really_ doesn't want to think about Edward Elric.

  


His neck and shoulders are stiff, his hands hurt, his eyes are burning. _Burning bodies, flesh on fire, people turning into ashes._ If he gets this tired for an office day, he really is getting too old. 

Edward Elric is been two floors above him, closed in an empty room with his brother and a bunch of books, for almost three days straight now. He is struggling with everything he has, _Roy has been smelling burned flesh for three days now_. Having Fullmetal around puts his mind on the line like nothing else.

Roy would like to say that he doesn't know how he got two floors above, I front of the room where the Elric brothers are, but he can't: he hasn't been able to think about anything else since he stepped in the office that morning. That, _and people in flame screaming_.

The room is quiet and the lights are all on; it looks almost empty. _Fullmetal_. He almost says it, but something catches his eyes: the armor that is Alphonse Elric is sitting on the floor with his legs crossed, motionless but awake; Edward Elric is lying on them, asleep. _The face of a baby, the hair of a girl, and the peace of safety._

Roy Mustang doesn't sleep for more than three consecutive hours a night, he doesn't cook meat, but more than anything else _he stiffens when Lieutenant Hawkeye tries to touch him_. After Huges' death, Riza is undoubtedly the last person that Roy has left that truly and unconditionally loves him; but Riza is also _eyes full of death and disillusion, ghost cities, the boom of gunshots, the smell of burned flesh_. She reminds him of everything he has done, all his sins.

And here lays Edward Elric, _in the arms of his greatest sin_ , safe and loving. Roy doesn't want to think about Edward Elric. Horrible definitely isn't enough to describe him.

Alphonse Elric is talking with the floor nurse and, if he could, he would be blushing. Roy didn't sleep last night, but he couldn't stand arriving at work on time and deal with Riza suspicions; visiting Fullmetal at the hospital still wasn't the most logic answer, but he is still doing his best not to think about it.

He opens the door without expecting anything and _freezes_. Spread out on the white sheets there is a pale body, golden hair spread on the pillow, toned but undeveloped muscles, too many scars for such a little body. Black circles under the eyes, sweaty skin, shaking. There is no right arm, just a piece of metal connected to the scarred flesh of the shoulder; no left leg, just other metal from the middle of his thigh.

 _There's a shaking, mutilated kid on this bed._ Roy has never seen anything more beautiful.

He leaves the room and enters the bathroom to vomit. He is beyond horrible.

Life has never been easy for Roy Mustang, but when he started thinking about Edward Elric it went even worse. He has been living with the weight of his sins for years: he killed more than he can count, he failed to protect his best friend, he shuts down his last anchor daily.

Edward Elric tried an human transmutation to bring his mother back to life, doing so he lost his brother body, his right arm and left leg. He has been in Hell and back, literally. But he has the strength to fight, and smile, and live every day; the strength to love his brother, mirror of his sins. And he is beautiful.

Roy Mustang has struggled for all his life and he is not good at it; but he will fight with all his strength for what he thought the first time he saw him, shattered and empty eyed on a wheelchair: _I want him_.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone! I just happened to stumble into the FMA fandom _again_ and suddenly - _puff_ \- apparently I ship RoyEd now. Weird, since I've always liked Elricest better.  
>  This is just a little introspective - and illegal - insight... A character analysis sorta thing maybe. I hope you liked it all the same.  
> It's been a right pleasure, see ya.


End file.
